Hello! I am so happy you are here and I am very excited to introduce you to “Mozelleology”, which was created in the 1990s as a result of my own metamorphosis.
“Mozelleology” is what helped me transform from a repeatedly-traumatized child, an extremely suicidal teen, and a viciously abused young adult to a successful woman with a bright, powerful inner spark.
You have a spark too. Like me, you may have ignored it or seen it come and go. In fact, we were all born with a spark. For me, this spark inspired my creative side so I love to paint, take photographs, play piano, and write. These were all large parts of my healing journey.
The spark kept growing until my fits of rage or emotional meltdowns turned it off.
Then, once I regained some sort of logical control or even the most minute sense of conscious awareness, the spark would start again… only to eventually be met with the same demise. This was a vicious circle that nearly destroyed me.
It was like taking two steps forward and one step back.
As a result, I was so mentally exhausted from the “yo-yo” of my life that I eventually became physically ill. Once struck down by undeniable and very determined medical disruptions, the bedrest and “nothing but think time” forced me to confront my own toxic mindset, unhealthy behaviors, and limited beliefs.
One of the first things I realized is how I had gotten so accustomed at wearing a mask that I had no idea who the true me really was. I had a “focus” mask for work, an “innocent child” mask for visits with my parents, a “good mother” mask for my child’s school, a“devoted wife” mask for my husband, an “empathetic” mask for my friends, and a “shape-shifting” mask for everyone and everything else. Because of these many disguises, I was stuck feeling sorry for myself and thinking that these masks were needed for survival.
Somehow, in the middle of my mess called life, I knew that what I had been doing was not working – and never did and likely never would. Instead, wearing masks only caused more problems. Moving to other states, I quickly realized I brought myself with me. Being a workaholic or finding another “project person” were no longer powerful distractions and it was a huge wake-up call to realize that no matter how hard I tried, I could not outrun myself. So, needing a purpose, I enrolled in college. My bullshit belief was that “learning psychology will give me all of the answers I need and then I will be fixed”.
Not only did I quickly realize that was untrue, I also realized that healing was a lot more than just reading some books, taking a bunch of personality tests, or asking God to “fix it”. If I truly wanted to stop living the life that I created and hated, I had to look inside myself no matter how awkward, scary, or emotionally painful it was. I had to become my own best friend. I had to be an exceptional parent to my inner child, I had to forgive myself and others, and I had to stop blaming my parents and peers for my fuck-ups.
Some days just thinking about all I had to do was utterly exhausting. Other days, I was powerfully committed to making it happen. No matter what my motivation level, these steps were not going to be easy. My anger, anxiety, temper tantrums, passive-aggressive behaviors, abusive relationships, professional mess-up’s, mistrust, unempathetic, and emotionally-detached personality left me battling with depression and suicidal thoughts for years. I always felt like the kid never picked for the dodgeball team, or the girl always on the other side of the fence wishing she was with the rest of the girls. I always felt like an outsider – misunderstood, unlovable and unaccepted. Perhaps worst of all, I did not feel deserving of happiness and that somehow, in some way, I deserved the crappy life I had created.
In so many ways, my life felt like it was shattered into pieces. I had one piece with my biological parents, one piece with my adoptive parents, another piece at work, yet another piece with my kids, and another piece in school. The various masks did an amazing job at covering up all of the shattered pieces so, to the public eye, it appeared like I had my shit together.
But I knew I didn’t.
I also knew that settling for the shitty, self-sabotaging life that I had gotten so accustomed to would have been so much easier.
That was in the 1990s – my hard work, commitment, action steps, and desire eventually paid off.
Today as I look back at my life, it seems like I am watching a movie of someone else’s life. In fact, sometimes I cannot believe that was me… barely existing in such a dark, hopeless place for so many years. I used to become upset about the years I had wasted and all of the great opportunities I had missed while I was swimming in a sea of muddy water, weighed down by the quicksand of my toxic past. Eventually I realized that being upset about those things only wasted more time and cost me more missed opportunities.
Instead, I consciously forced myself to only focus on the things for which I am grateful. That was very difficult to do because I had trained my mind to think pessimistically, to find the absolute worst in everyone and everything.
Yes, the school of life is a great teacher but, as students, we often fail the most difficult tests. Perhaps what is most important are the lessons we learn along the way.
During my “schooling” some of the lessons I learned were:
- No, the childhood trauma was not fun but it did teach me to recognize and be grateful for my inner strength.
- No, my spiritual gifts were not bad; in fact, they vastly helped me heal.
- Yes, those abusive relationships were physically, emotionally, and financially painful but they taught me tolerance and showed me what I would, and would not, put up with in future relationships.
- Yes, some of those emotional outbursts were embarrassing but trying to stuff my feelings inside was toxic for my body and mind.
- Yes, it is healthy and very important to acknowledge all emotions and to allow myself to really feel them.
- Only one action step is required to start the cycle of change.
Throughout those years, I was able to try this and that — various modalities, programs, and “ologies”. It didn’t take me very long to realize that the most powerful “ology” is the one which reaches into my body, mind, and spirit together.
So in 1998, “Mozelleology” was created. Therefore, “Mozelleology” is an eclectic mix of forensics, psychology, and spirituality.
While we were all born with an inner spark, many of us smother it with toxic relationships, beliefs, thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.When we do so, we can lose the spark completely in which it becomes nearly impossible to get it back without some assistance. That is where “Mozelleology” steps in and helps you find your spark, sometimes for the first time ever.
In short, “Mozelleology” exists so I can show you what worked for me. If you hate the life you created, or are just miserable, unfulfilled, or bored, I am here to show you that it does not have to be that way.
Take an action step now – get some “Mozelleology” in your life today!